I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
