Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
