grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize