sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
