I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
