wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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