What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
