I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
