Christians are straight up FREAKS
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
