dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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