Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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