i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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