the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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