So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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