His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
