She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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