At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
