lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
