I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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