Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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