Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
