Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
