Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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