But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
