Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
