I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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