No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
