This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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