So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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