Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
