Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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