I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize