he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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