Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
