i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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