i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
