I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
