nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
God, I missed his penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
