Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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