It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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