dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
