u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
