hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize