People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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