matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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