Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
