I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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