HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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