Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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