my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
