Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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