Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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