It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
