Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
40s are totally the cure
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
