she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
