don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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