I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
