I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
