Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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