O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
