i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
