a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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