Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
