Soap is not a condiment
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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