Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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