its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
