Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
