i just had sex bonerless
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
