lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize