I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
