I'm eating all of the evidence.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
