I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
