I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
NoShamevember. You game?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
