Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
