you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
