were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
