Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
