woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
